I haven't written in this thing in like nine years. So it is 3:56 am and I am tired but I wanted to just update myself on my life. So basically I don't have a vehicle anymore and I am truly learning how much that sucks. Even with the price of gas just having the ability and freedom to go whenever you want is a very nice commodity. Other than that things have been going really well for me. Just got to work, work, work and save money for europe. I truly need a second job. I also can't wait till this coming weekend to go see my sister, and my parents.
I love what I am doing with my life right now! Though I am honestly a little scared of finding and meeting a girl, I know that's dumb but for some reason I have been thinking that a lot recently. Like do I push girls away? I don't know, I am sure I will figure it out with time. For now I have too much on my plate to worry too much and I like that.
P.S. Laundry tomorrow!

ATTENTION JOURNAL UPDATE!
So this weekend I am coming back to Royal Palm Beach, score! I can't wait to see everyone plus I really want to play a show again. I am booking us a show in Tallahassee in Nov. sometime, Amy has helped me with that a lot, she is so sweet. I have a lot of stuff I have to do today, I did a good amount of dishes, I was just going to try and get those done. And Amy and Jenna should be on there way to get me around four o'clock which is awesome. But anyhow I guess there isn't much too much left to say. So peace.

A lack of sleep makes me feel insane. Drawing pictures of things that I don't even think. Everything on my body feels so clean, but I'm filthy inside. My arteries are clogged with grease and it pinches every now and then. Need to flush my body, I need new blood, and shrink my cells - drinking a little salt would make me happy. I want to dispose of whatever I don't need because right now I'm feeling heavy, like a cluttered mind. My nerve endings are lose I need new sparks and let some sleep be my alternator.

Well I am sitting in BOL the Santa Fe computer lab, in other words. I have math class in just a little, one o'clock. I am going to call Amy after I finish writing this, I think she might be sleeping. Nothing too much is really going on. I need to call Brett and Mark to talk to them about a few certain things. I need to study for my Biology Exam, and read for Philosophy, buy my English books, and take my Math Test's and Quiz's. This week I have a lot of work to be done. I hope that it is possible for Adam and I to go down the whole weekend. Well I'm going to go.

I don't know why but I seem to like writing right about at this time of the day. I have to go to Bio Lab and then I am not sure what I am doing. I have to fix Kim's car when she calls me so we can pick up Amy tomorrow. I probably should call that girl from my work, Gabby, to see if she wants to go to a show tonight or maybe, if she has a car, I can convince her to drive us to the Senses Fail show. I am so excited to see Sesnes Fail! And I would not have as much fun if Amy were not there! Well I should get going now but I will write in here some other time. Oh and that thing I wrote right before that? I don't even know what that was just rambling like I always do.

I can feel the cool breeze driving some heat off of my shoulders. The crisp clean air tastes good as it hits my nostrils. I need a jacket or something to hide me from the chill. Cause I gave you mine and I'm not ready to take it back and I don't know if I ever will. Why does it seem that heat projects out of me and not into me? You smell that southern sky burning the air and leading my way to the vehicle. I can't stop thinking about the last time I saw you and heard the whisper of a beautiful voice covered in gentle kisses. Push the key into the lock and twist for success. Jump into the sit and roll these windows down slightly and listen close enough to hear the screams of tortured souls. Securely fastened to the earth by its' own flesh. This is my life in my world and I can't even begin to say that I'm proud of what I did or what they said about everything but no one could open the door to see where the truth really lies. The thought of this deplorable nature gets my blood pumping quickly.

I am really excited about our band cause this guy Joe from PM Entertainment wants to sign a management contract with us. It is all I can think about, I know it isn't definate because it might be bull. But I just can't wait to see exactly what he wants. He said he wants to get our songs rerecorded and then he wants us to tour, I want to so fucking bad! I don't like school enough and I love music! Well this is the kind of stuff Joe said, he said that we would use sponors to supply a lot of the money which makes sense and that he has connections with Barnes and Noble, Brands Mart and a few other places to get our CD out there. Also he wants to put us on like Warped Tour. I just want to get into a studio and record.

I like this picture a lot.

So love me gently with a chainsaw
and take the glass against your wrist.
You know I am your worst nightmare,
oh how you love my bloody kiss.

But it's time to die
You're worth more dead.

Tell me your fantasies
I'll make you believe
That I really care.
I'll look into your eyes
I'll tell you all my lies
As I take you slow...

So love me gently with a chainsaw
I'll leave you like your father did.
I'll bite your lip so f*cking so hard.
And watch the innocence just drip.

Down your chest.
And into my mouth.

Tell me your fantasies
I'll make you believe
That I really care.
I'll look into your eyes
I'll tell you all my lies
As I take you slow...

So take your tears and go away.
A bitter ending from a slow decay.

And I'll sit here with and a match.

The lies she cried.
The heart ache.